What the Hell?
by Umodin
Summary: Naruto awoke to find himself in a cave feeling smaller than he remembered. Upon looking at his reflection he noticed slight changes, such as his hair was now red, he was 8 years old, he was missing Kurama and he, for some strange reason, had the Rinnegan. After finding out that he had somehow jumped into the past, Naruto embarks on a journey to fix everything before it starts.


Upon awaking, Naruto found something to be very, _very_ different. 1.) He was neither in his room nor at his desk (as he sometimes fell asleep doing paperwork, people refused to let him force his Shadow Clones to do it for him), and instead awoke in some cave where it was raining outside. 2.) Even though he never had a problem with seeing and his vision was decent he had never seen anything _this_ clearly before and he could have sworn he was seeing Chakra in the air, but that could be just his imagination from awaking in a strange area. 3.) He felt lighter than he used to, and while he wasn't a heavy-set man, he was in fact broad enough to know when he felt heavier or lighter, and he felt a good 70 lbs. lighter than he should.

However the fourth and most _wrong_ thing he noticed was something he'd never _not_ felt and it was both a relief (for a brief moment) and an extreme panic attack at the same time.

He could not feel Kurama inside of him anymore.

Kurama and Naruto had come to an understanding through the end of the 4th Shinobi War, and their partnership at the end of the war helped him monumentally when he was elected to be Rokudaime Hokage (6th Fire Shadow) years after the battle. Without Kurama inside of him, he felt as if he lost an arm or a leg or a kidney, Kurama was just always _there_ and not feeling him just felt completely and totally wrong.

Naturally, with all the weirdness happening, Naruto felt it was time to figure out what the hell was going on, and so he got up, dusted himself off and left the cave he was randomly in to go into the rain. He felt weaker than before he fell asleep, and while he could trudge on due to still (thankfully) having his superhuman stamina, his muscle mass upon inspection seemed noticeably lighter (and for some reason his skin tone seemed lighter as well).

Upon taking his surroundings in, Naruto could safely assume he was somewhere in the middle of Ame no Kuni(Rain Country), which brought about more confusion. Why in the hell was he in Ame and not in Hi no Kuni (Fire Country)? More questions kept popping up in his head, but without Kurama to talk to him all he did was brood; he was beginning to understand the Teme's point of view and it was driving him crazy. Almost as crazy as the fact that while he was checking out this new area he was walking with more difficulty then he remembered ever walking. Naturally he looked over himself to figure out what was going on, which caused him to freeze.

He – Naruto Uzumaki – looked… smaller than he remembered, like he did when he was a child, in fact, now that he took a better look at his arms, legs, feet and hands he even _looked_ like a child.

Which caused him to panic.

He then belatedly noticed he was, in fact, naked. And upon further inspection noticed his "Stiff Soldier" was smaller than it was supposed to be even when it wasn't so stiff.

Which caused him to panic some more.

Naruto ran, tripped and fell, got back up again and continued doing that in that exact order until by some stroke of luck he began to catch his bearings and found himself at a small lake that was roughly 3 miles from the cave he awoke.

It took him roughly 1 hour to do that, which to a ninja, even a brand spankin' new genin, that was atrocious. Hell, that was terrible for a _civilian_. Naturally, if anybody was nearby, Naruto would have been red in the face for weeks. So he settled for mud on his face instead, as that was all that could be found in Ame, well, that and rain.

Upon using the water in the lake to clean himself off, he finally found something he should have seen upon falling in multiple puddles. His reflection. Which naturally caused Naruto to panic more; why? Quite simple, Naruto didn't look like Naruto anymore.

His hair, while still a spikey mess, was shorter than normal and most important bright _red_ like his mothers. His skin was definitely paler than it had previously been, and while his facial structure was very much the same in both cheekbone and nose shaping two more distinct changes had occurred. Firstly, his beloved whiskers were no more, though since they were due to him being Kurama's Jinchuriki that was fair. However the second, most obvious and most panic worthy change had occurred in his eye's; no more were they the magnificent shade of blue that his father carried, instead…

He had the goddamn Rinnegan; one in each eye at that.

He also looked like an 8 year old.

"…What the hell?!"

He also noted that his voice was squeakier.

Naturally speaking with so much change occurring in such a fast pace, Naruto began hoping- no, _praying_ to whatever God or God's caused these changes to keep his Chakra and Chakra Control the same. He got somewhat lucky.

He was still able to mold his Chakra and his control seemed fine, in fact it felt infinitely easier to control than previously. His Chakra, while not nearly as much of a bottomless pit as he was used to, was still huge and comparable to Kage level's and the best part was it was much denser. He began to experiment slightly by using the lake in front of him to water walk, a skill which was even easier than before. He could still perform the Rasengan, albeit with trouble. It seemed that while he still had knowledge of his skills, for whatever reason he couldn't completely use them. Shadow Clones were still viable, though he actually could feel his reserves draining when using them when compared to before. With a rough estimate, it felt like creating 10 clones used up 2% of his reserves. So while he could still spam, they couldn't be used nearly as frivolously as before.

It was while practicing his techniques that the idea of having a Rinnegan finally slapped Naruto in the face. It was also at this time that he attempted to use the techniques granted by the Samsara eye's. He practiced the pushing and pulling of gravity on a rock near the edge of the lake. His success with Bensho Tenin was much better in comparison to Shinra Tensei. It was also at this time that Naruto realized somewhat belatedly in life the only techniques he knew that were meant for combat were his Shadow Clones, Rasengan variants, his Summons and Senjutsu; which meant he had less than 10 attacks and only one of them was long range.

Naruto began to brood again.

But, Naruto was nothing if not a trooper, and so with his new eye's, new look and depressingly missing Kurama, he began to trek to Amegakure (Village Hidden in the Rain) for supplies before heading to Konohagakure (Village Hidden in the Leaves).

* * *

After a 2 day excursion, Naruto finally saw Amegakure.

Or at least he thought he did, for now he returned to his confused/panicked state.

Amegakue looked different, _very_ different.

The last time Naruto saw this country was roughly a year ago when he was visiting the various Hidden Villages to announce formally his new position as Hokage. (And he was pleasantly surprised to see Konan had taken the spot as Amekage while the war ended. Apparently she was responsible for a large portion of neutral and smaller Hidden Villages to join the Joint Shinobi Front in the war against Madara.) When he saw the country then, it was filled with metal towers that were used to direct lightning from the constant rainclouds in order to ensure village safety. These towers doubled as apartments, training grounds, markets, etc. for Amegakure.

What Naruto was instead seeing was a large _town_ filled with wooden houses and barely any ninja at all.

To quote Naruto's first words upon awakening in Ame no Kuni: "What the hell?!"

Now, once again, Naruto never claimed to be smart. But when he got his tour of Amegakure from Konan he distinctly remembered her saying the towers were built when Hanzo the Salamander came into power around the start of the 2nd Shinobi War.

To reiterate, Naruto had never claimed to be smart, but this was well and truly freaking him out.

Upon sneaking into the village as stealthily as an naked, 8 year old Kage level shinobi could (which was relatively easy), the first thing Naruto did was grab food. Figuratively speaking, of course. Naruto used his newly acquired skill of pulling things towards him with gravity to steal food from a bread vendor. He was a Shinobi, no matter his quirks and vehemence on certain subjects; he knew how to steal when needed. The second thing Naruto did was invest in a very specific fashion of Ame no Kuni; hoodies and goggles. The hoodie due to it raining constantly and the goggles for obvious reasons (Upon remembering the pictures of Danzo's arm that Sai had shown him when the ink user took over ROOT, Naruto couldn't help but shudder). And pants, can't forget pants. He was still dissapointed in the size of his Stiff-Soldier.

Naruto decided to stick around the town for now. He was walking around, straying close to bars and brothels specifically; due to his training with Jiraiya, he was well aware of the information hubs those locations were.

After finding no information, Naruto headed towards the nearest inn, ready to tuck in for the night with money he pick-pocketed from random people. Upon entering the establishment, he was met with a bemused woman that looked roughly 20 with very… _familiar_ red hair.

"Welcome to the Rains'end inn, how can I help ya little guy?" She quirked a small smile at him, though her eyes were trailing his body and hair very peculiarly. She stood roughly at 5'2 and her red hair was cropped short. She had a somewhat plain face but her green eye's made a pretty enough combination with the rest of her subtle features. With a shrug, Naruto figured she was no harm, and even if she was he could probably get out of here easily enough.

"Name's Naruto, I was hoping I could shack up here for the night 'fore I head to Konoha."

"Hmmm, well it's nice to meet you Naruto, name's Natsuki Uzumaki. S'long as you can pay I got no problem giving you a room for the night. D'you need breakfast and dinner too? It'll cost a few ryo extra but I guarantee you'll like it"

Now, Naruto was a very blunt person, but even he knew finding members of his clan was a very rare occurrence. Civilian or not.

"Huh, my name's Uzumaki too, (her eye's widened and a big grin sported on her face as he continued to speak) and that sounds great. I've saved a little over 100 ryo, if that's enough for either breakfast or dinner."

Apparently Naruto's bluntness was a clan trait because Natsuki decided to put her arm around his now tiny shoulders and walk him towards a bar where she took station. Pouring a glass of milk, she handed it to him with a smile, "I'm glad to meet you Cuz, it's rare enough to see any Uzumaki outside our islands. (Naruto's eye's widened slightly under his goggles but his face remained stoic. _What the hell did she mean by "our islands?"_ ) Me, I'm a bastard. My father let me have the surname, but wouldn't stick around. Apparently he was already married." They just shrugged, bastards were and are very common in the Shinobi world.

Naruto was more confused than curious, and he was _very_ curious. When the 4th war ended, Naruto used the resources of the Gokage alliance to get all the info on his clan as he could. They were notorious for promoting numerous seal masters and mistresses, had large pools of chakra, red hair (generally) and lived on the island nation of Uzu no Kuni (Land of Whirlpools) before they were destroyed in the 2nd Shinobi War. Now, Naruto was once again not smart, but something didn't add up.

"Hey Natsuki-san…"

"Natsuki-chan Cousin, call me chan."

"Right, Natsuki-chan, I know this is gunna' sound a little weird, but do you know the date?"

She looked at him strangely but nodded his request, "It's June 3rd, 018 SVE."

Now his facade of minor confusion broke and his jaw hung loosely. SVE stood for Shinobi Village Era, namely the time since the 5 Great Shinobi Villages had begun. Naruto was born into 044 SVE. So, this meant one of two things. Either, A.) He was involved of the most elaborate Genjutsu known to man, and if so it could only be Sasuke, which meant Sasuke would be getting the ass-kicking of a lifetime very soon, or B.) he somehow was actually in 018 SVE no matter how ridiculous that sounded in the body of a Rinnegan bearing, Uzumaki ass-kicker.

Meh.

He would figure it out as he went, in any case he remembered his history from his mass Shadow Clone study session on the Uzumaki clan. They weren't destroyed until 028 SVE, the same year Mito Uzumaki died and his mother became Kurama's 2nd Jinchuriki-

Wait a moment.

He could become Kurama's 2nd Jinchuriki, his mother would never need to suffer that stigmata and could be a carefree child. He could use his power to save his clan and hopefully aid in stopping the war. So much to do, and it was at that moment he was pissed his memory wasn't all that great. If only he could-

*snap snap*

"Oi, Naruto, you in there?"

"Huh- wha-?"

She snickered slightly, "Naruto, you spaced out when I told you the date. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah… Yeah, I think so."

It was both a shame and a complete piece of "Naruto style bullshit luck" that this had come about. It was a shame because he could very well never return to his friends back in his own timeline, but it was a true testament to his bullshit luck that he had the opportunity to change things.

Everything.

"Anyways, how much for the room and food?"

"Hmm? Oh right! The room for the night'll be 40 ryo and the food'll be 7 ryo per serving."

Fishing into his pocket, he produced 60 ryo. He may not have been good at math, but if there was one thing he knew, it was how to get on the good side (or in the case of his new cousin very good side) of his servers; it was through tips.

"Naruto, that's 6 ryo too much." She was about to go get change but he grabbed her wrist and shook his head with a smile.

"Sorry Natsuki-chan. But it's called a tip for a reason." If she could see past his goggles she would see the strange sight of ringed, scillera-less eye's winking at her.

She chuckled good-naturedly at her new favorite cousin but nodded her assent.

The two spent the rest of the day together. Naruto with Natsuki because this was the first time he'd ever gotten the chance to truly spend time with a family member, and Natsuki because she wanted to spend her work break doing something entertaining.

Namely using Naruto's hard earned (stolen) money to go shopping.

The shopping lasted roughly 2 hours in which Naruto gained a backpack, shinobi sandals, properly fitted grey shinobi pants, some arm and leg guards, gloves, and a mesh shirt to go underneath his black hoodie. Aside from apparel for travel, Naruto also used his money, and the money he gained while shopping (people were so easy steal from), to purchase a dozen shuriken, 6 kunai, a map of the Elemental Nations, a sealing brush, a portable inkwell and a stack of parchment and blank sealing tags.

Natsuki made him by the sealing equipment. Because even though she was a civilian and barely knew her father past his first name, his name was Juushiro, she was still an Uzumaki and knew the most basic of Fuinjutsu (Sealing Techniques). She kindly created a small sealing scroll for Naruto, just in case he happened upon something along the way that was too large or heavy for him to carry in his pack.

The evening went by quickly, and Naruto got to eat a hearty meal from Natsuki before giving her a quick hug goodnight and making his way to his room. Naruto had spent the whole day thinking about how to go about convincing Mito-sama to name him Nidaime Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Yoko, aka Kurama. He had finally had a plan all set up and was ready.

In order to gain citizenship and a shinobi headband from Konoha, he would present a Jutsu to the village; namely the Shadow Clone Jutsu. During his studies, he distinctly remembered out of the many techniques that Tobirama Senju created, it was one of the last before he died. It was created in 023 SVE. Naruto could claim it was something his mother left for him before dying, and it was her instruction to seek out Konoha, due to their long standing commitment to the Uzumaki clan as blood allies through the Senju clan.

* * *

As morning rose, Naruto quickly got up and began the morning routine he came up with while thinking up how to speak with Mito-sama. His body wasn't ready for a strenuous exercise regimen like he had before. So, a few simple repetitions of pushups, squats, sit-ups and planks, followed by flexibility stretches would do. It surprised him how weak, or weak in comparison this body was compared to his old one, or at least his old one at the age of 18. (He refused to think of himself in his own body. It hadn't even been born yet, nor were his parents come to think of it.)

A quick shower later Naruto was ready for his trip to Konoha. Apparently in Ame, they didn't have normal showers. Instead, you just stood in a closed off stone box without a roof and you let the rain clean you. Such an environmental people.

Naruto ate a large breakfast of rice, miso soup and fried fish (he refused to eat the bean paste, that stuff was and is utterly disgusting) and was more than ready for his journey. Running at a Ninja level speed, he knew it'd take a little less than 3 days travel to reach Konohagakure, and he'd be in Konoha borders within 1 day. He was mentally prepping himself when a pair of arms scooped him off of his seat and began twirling him around. It took him a few moments of flailing to figure out it was Natsuki.

She put him down and turned him to face her, planting a smile on her pretty face, "So, ready for your trip?"

"You betcha Natsuki-chan!"

"Got your bag and supplies?"

"Yup!"

"Sealing Scroll?"

"Yup!"

"Clothes?"

"Yup!"

"Goggles?"

"Yu- HEY!"

She naturally chose to take them off of his head while he was playing this game with her, giving her an open view of the metallic looking Rinnegan. She froze momentarily to take in the strange Dojutsu (Eye Technique) before nodding, as if figuring something out, and placing the goggles back on his head.

She pulled him into a hug and whispered into his ear, "I won't ask what's with your eye's, but you should know to be careful when taking those goggles off. It'd be a shame for somebody to be after such pretty eye's."

Naruto was slightly stunned and a good bit miffed about the whole ordeal, but nodded his assent. It wasn't like he was going to pull a Nagato and show off his eye's by destroying a Hidden Village. Even Naruto Uzumaki, the #1 knuckleheaded ninja of his time knew at least _some_ subtlety.

"I'll miss you Natsuki-chan, thanks for all the help and I'll try to visit some time, okay?"

She smiled and gave him a chaste kiss on the top of his head, "Sure thing kiddo."

It was at that moment Naruto understood why Natsuki felt familiar. She had the right face with the cheekbones and chin, and that smile-smirk of hers finally clicked in his head.

This was Nagato's mom.

Naruto thanked the high heavens for his bullshit luck.

"Natsuki, this is gunna' be random but if you ever have a kid with the same eyes as I do, send me a courier okay?"

She raised a bemused eyebrow to him but nodded her ascent. She was more curious over how an 8 year old new what a courier was than anything related to her future child/children.

Naruto looked her over fondly, giving her one last strong hug before heading off. Even though he'd just met her, he was going to miss his cousin. She had helped him out, answered all his questions, and gave her time freely just because they shared blood.

He released her, got on his tiptoes, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before grinning madly and running off.

* * *

Naruto had made good time on his journey. He was thankful that he maintained his absurd stamina and while not as monstrous and previously, his large Chakra capacity as well. It made travel quicker, more comfortable and frankly, less of a pain in the ass. If he had taken a civilian route it'd likely take about 9 days before he reached the village, and that was a no-go.

He finally made it to the border of Ame no Kuni and Hi no Kuni, and decided that it was safer to take a civilian path from there. He could continue to travel using Chakra once he passed border regulations.

Upon reaching the border, he met with a Rain Chunin and through much coercion and stealth (aka bribery), Naruto was able to safely and somewhat legally make his way into Hi no Kuni.

Naruto had continued on the civilian route to catch his breath from his trek when a group of bandits appeared on the road. The group casually walked next to Naruto and stopped him suddenly.

"'ey there lad, c'n ya do us a favor?"

Naruto couldn't decide whether to look incredulous, bust a gut laughing or just kick their asses and continue moving. So he did all three.

The bandits were confused when the kid began to shake his shoulders, apparently they scared him so well he started to cry if the wobbling of his body was anything to go by. They grinned maliciously at one another before their apparent leader grabbed Naruto's arm and yanked him.

This caused 2 things to happen. 1.) The trio of young Chunin on border patrol that saw this leapt into action to defend the child. 2.) Said child didn't take well to being manhandled and uttered one phrase that taught the group and Chunin Trio a lesson.

" **Shinra Tensei"**

An invisible bubble surrounded Naruto, and everything within 5 yards of him flew in whatever direction opposite they were facing him. Bandits flew all across the forest they were snooping out in, the trio of Chunin were in an orderly format, so one was thrown into another, who was thrown into the other. It made for a comical sight more than anything.

Naruto decided to make a headcount, and counted a total of 11 civilian level Chakra networks, 2 genin levels, likely the leaders of the bandits and 3 high Chunin to low Jounin signatures. It took Naruto a moment to realize that they were coming from 3 children piled on top of each other from his attack.

Woops.

When he walked over to the trio to help them out he suddenly reminded him to once again praise the heavens for his bullshit luck. A mass of white hair, small black eyes and a boil, slit yellow eyes, pale skin and long black hair and hazel eyes, flat chest and medium cut dirty blonde hair done up in a bun.

Naruto could only snicker as the Sannin, or pre-sannin in this case, were piled on top of each other like a sack of potatoes in a market. This snicker turned to full blown laughter as he caught the rage filled eyes of the trio.

* * *

Tsunade was not having a good day. She along with Orochimaru were forced to do border patrol for the week as collateral punishment due to Jiraiya peeking. And getting caught at that. She was well aware of the Chameleon Jutsu he made to go peeking with Sarutobi Sensei, and for some odd reason he only used it with said man. The one who, along with Danzo Shimura was most likely to become the Sandaime Hokage; getting caught peeking on bathing women in comparison to Jiraiya, a barely passable Chunin.

It made so much sense she punched him in the face.

So here they were, doing absolutely nothing when a mop of red hair was dragged by a group of roughly 12-13 bandits. Finally some action!

"Snake, this is Slug, a group of bandits are harassing a child on the 6 sector of the border, over."

" _Snake to Slug, Toad is nearby and will make it faster than I will, Both of us can be here within a minute using Shunshin."_

"Copy, Toad and Snake, make your way to me, we'll rally these lot up and get off Toad's punishment hopefully."

" _Hime~ It's not punishment if I get to spend more time with you!"_

She was grinding her teeth as a small but very noticeable tic mark appeared to pulse on her forehead. It was one thing to be teamed up with an idiot; that she could handle. It was another thing to be with and idiot that tried, and failed, to flirt with her constantly and attempt to peek on her. Thank goodness for the Senju compound owning a private spring.

She heard the distinct sound of leaves swirling nearby and took it as a sign that her teammates were nearby and ready to strike.

"Alright you two, we'll go with a round up slot. Snake and Toad will apprehend the majority while I deal with the kid and anybody close by. Affirmative?"

" _Copy Slug"_

" _You got it, Hime!"_

She sighed at the title. She was the Granddaughter and Grandniece of both the Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages, and likely to keep being called a Hime (Princess) till the day she dies. Or until she earns a title for herself in the field.

"Begin!"

She charged at the group, two Shunshins at her side confirming her teammates. As she swiftly approached the red haired boy, he said two words that changed the entire dynamic of her strategy.

" **Shinra Tensei"**

Because whatever the hell it was sent her, Jiraiya and Orochimaru _flying_ into a tree as well as _every_ bandit in the area. Some of them also hit trees while others Just. Kept. _Flying._

She could feel the concussion on her head begin to form and her attention was kept on her pain until she heard snickering. Turning to glare at the child who _dared_ make Tsunade Senju miraculously fly, along with her teammates made them readily evaluate their position as Shinobi; the kid looked 4 years younger than them.

He was wearing a hoody and a pair of Shinobi pants from Ame, some dark goggles blocking his eyes from view and combat bracers on both his arms and legs. He looked like a proper Genin or Academy student, but apparently had the skill or some technique needed to whip 3 Mid to High level Chunin around.

"Sorry about that." Huh, so the little bastard actually knows how to apologize. One step higher than Jiraiya already, "I didn't know you three were there. That was only supposed to make'm leave me alone."

She grunted before getting up, dusting herself off and grabbing Jiraiya, throwing him off of Orochimaru who then got up and did a similar action.

"We're the border patrol unit for sectors 5, 6 and 7 this week. The ugly one is Jiraiya, the pale guy is Orochimaru, and I'm Tsunade Senju."

He cocked his head to the side, nodding along with the names. It actually looked kind of cute before he focused in on her, or at least her name when she said it. It took a considerable amount of willpower to suppress a growl from her throat at this pretentious kid being interested in her surname.

"Senju? And if he's the ugly one and he's the pale guy, what'd you be in the group?" Huh, so apparently he could talk. And he didn't bother to even say her name. Prick.

"The pretty one, obviously. And yeah, Senju, got a problem with it?"

Then he did something that made her blink. He grinned. He grinned in a feral way that reminded her of when Mito-baba decided to stop upholding her lady-like persona and torture the family with seal pranks.

"Are you sure you're the pretty one? The pale guy has more girly hair than you do." She didn't know whether to be insulted at him not thinking she was the pretty one or laugh at the jibe to Orochimaru. Jiraiya beat her to the punch when he guffawed right at the kid and point at Orochimaru, who looked scandalized, with a snicker.

"Pretty and girly are two different things." There, that should teach the kid. As well as piss Orochimaru off even more. If Jiraiya got one thing right, it was screwing that with the snake was a very entertaining pastime.

"Ah, well I'm actually heading to Konoha to meet with a Senju, that's why I was curious." Huh, so it wasn't him attempting to worship the ground she walked on. Would'ja look at that.

"Hmm? Who? I probably know him or her. The clan took a hit during the Shinobi War, so our members are on the low."

"Mito Senju. My name's Naruto Uzumaki, and I need to talk to her about some things. I'm also heading to register for a Hi no Kuni citizenship in exchange for a Jutsu." Just like that he caught her attention. An Uzumaki meant he was a distant relative, and if he had a Jutsu not in the Konoha library meant it was likely either a family technique or a stolen one. Either way, he knew the customs to join the Shinobi program as a foreigner, which was strange in itself but not impossible.

"I can take you to Konoha if you'd like, it's probably best to have some form of guard with you due to your age." That, and it'd give her a valid reason to get off Border Patrol early.

"I uh, don't really think I need a guard if the bump on your head says anything." He was grinning. This little prick was _grinning_ at her misfortune while her cheeks turned a pinkish hue. Her glare charged at the goggled boy and blasted full charge.

"And I. Don't. Care. You're getting a guard whether you need it or not. Orochimaru, you and Jiraiya'll pick up for me while I bring this kid to customs." Before they could protest she marched over to the stumped Naruto, grabbed him by the arm and hauled him away via Shunshin.

* * *

Jiraiya looked at Orochimaru, who was still pink in the cheeks about the girly comment and a wicked grin sported on his face.

"Y'know O-ro-ch-chan, they were right about you being girly. We've never been to the hotsprings together… Is there something you need to tell me? I don't mind you being flat."

The glare sent his way coupled with those creepy looking slit eyes was all warning he needed to run back to the border station, with an irate and red face Orochimaru hot on his heels, kunai in hand.

* * *

The random pairing of Tsunade and Naruto didn't work well in the beginning. Mainly because Tsunade wouldn't stop pestering Naruto about how he pushed her team and the bandits, as well as what he needed to speak with her Mito-baba about and what Jutsu he was bringing to the village. Naruto was ignoring this, but she was grating on his nerves. Tsunade was like a mother to him, and now that she was only 4 years older he realized something.

She was a kid and kids were annoying as fuck.

With a sigh he turned towards her as they continued to trek to Konoha using Chakra and decided a conversation was better than her pestering.

"I'll answer _some_ of your questions, Tsunade."

She was apparently both pleased and annoyed with the use of her name. She wasn't called Hime which was a step up, but the lack of honorific or title to her name was a slight insult. Then she realized she hadn't shut-up in the hours that they had been traveling, and understood it was meant to be one. Her cheeks pinked a bit and she found herself nodding as Naruto continued.

"We'll do it like a question game. I'm new to Konoha, so any info you can give is useful." The logic was sound and fairly mature for such a young boy. She smiled slightly and nodded her affirmative. He waved his arm in her direction, indicating she could go first.

"I'd like to know how you forced us all back in that clearing."

He nodded with a small frown on his face, it seemed to mar it slightly and felt out of place, "Bloodline."

Well that was surprising, but at the same time not very. The Uzumaki clan regularly added and adopted members into their ranks bloodline or not, and it was their tolerant attitude that made many estranged members of bloodline wielding clans join up with them. She vaguely remembered a story Mito-baba told her about an Uzumaki with the Ice release Bloodline Limit.

She looked like she was waiting for him to elaborate, but his frown turned into the infuriating grin and he looked at her, "You said how, you didn't ask for any details Tsu-na-de-chan. My turn." She grit her teeth in annoyance and embarrassment at the new "chan" title. It felt weird being called that by a brat.

"Anyways, when checking in to Konoha, what kind of steps do I need to take and forms do I need to fill? Do you know if I can get an apartment as soon as i'm registered? Also do you know if they'd let me apply for apprenticeships the same moment I'm registered?" And then he asks very good questions, she couldn't tell if she did or didn't like the brat.

"When you check in for a citizenship you just need to fill out some forms, give some blood and swear some oaths. To become a Shinobi as a foreigner, you need to turn in that Jutsu you mentioned. Due to your age they'll likely try to put you in the Academy, but I'll vouch for you. Your bloodline should be dead useful and a Genin rank on the reserve is probably what you'll be handed. Apartments… I think you can, but that also depends on if you get accepted into the Shinobi ranks. Civilians have an age minimum of 15 before they can be independent, Shinobi whenever you make Genin. Apprenticeships are the only things I'm not sure of, but I think it has more to do with the master than the apprentice. If the Master decides to name you as his or her apprentice, then it's their duty to fill out the necessary forms and tribute to the Hokage, but it's unlikely you'll be granted one, so don't get your hopes up."

Naruto nodded along with that, he needed to ask questions to make him sound like a newby but also smart enough to be treated more like an adult. He waited patiently as they trekked to Konoha for Tsunade to come up with her next question.

"Alright, I don't really care about the details of your Bloodline, so what's this Jutsu you're bringing with you as tribute?"

He grinned merrily at the thought of his technique, "It's called Kage Bunshin (Shadow Clone), the technique is a Clone Ninjutsu that runs off pure Chakra. It's an expensive Jutsu, one clone costs the same as about ten Mizu Bunshins (Water Clones) but they aren't for combat. Whatever the Clone learns or see's, once its dispelled can be transferred over to the creator. It's meant for spying and infiltration but I think there's a better way to use it."

Tsunade was getting impressed then disappointed then extremely impressed as he continued to speak, "And how would you use it?"

He grinned, "The secret to never doing paperwork again!" And cackled, charging more chakra to his feet to speed past Tsunade.

Tsunade just stared at Naruto as if he was her savior. The secret to defeat paperwork he says? He could sell that thing to her Uncle Tobi in a heartbeat. The man always loved politics, but never the behind-the-scenes work involved. He was a silver tongue, but his writing hand always seemed cramped. Now he could work on his passion of creating Jutsu and making allies instead of being behind a desk all day.

Come to think of it, she could lord over the Technique to her teammates easily. Naruto said it took a good amount of Chakra, and while she had the least amount of the trio, she had much more than the average Kunoichi Chunin, in some cases Jounin. Whether Naruto became a Shinobi or not, which he was very likely to be if the Jutsu he was bringing to the table was that good, she was going to make him teach her the Kage Bunshin. One way or another, she would get taught from the source.

* * *

The pair had made descent time and arrive at the gates of Konoha in roughly 2 days. Tsunade felt grateful that she brought a sealing scroll with camping supplies for extra. It was somewhat embarrassing to share with Naruto, but she'd been forced to share with Jiraiya of all people before.

Nothing could be worse than having an idiot feel your bum up when you're not allowed to kill him.

Upon noticing the gate, Tsunade grinned merrily, grabbed Naruto's hand and readily pulled him towards the entrance.

"Welcome to Konohagakure Naruto!"

He beamed at her, which she returned. They might have started out rough but they got along well enough in her mind. Plus she needed to be as nice as possible to get that technique out of him.

They strode to the gate and Tsunade signed herself in with Naruto as her guest. The gate keeper for this round was a Genin her Senseis age named Ebizo. He was quirky, but an all-around nice guy.

They leisurely walked towards the Tower while Tsunade pointed out landmark after landmark to Naruto. She quirked an eyebrow when he noticed a cheap Ramen stand called Ichiraku's, and allowed herself to be dragged there for lunch. She didn't mind Ramen, even if she tended to prefer heartier foods, but it was alright for a snack. She smiled genially to Naruto, offering to treat him; it was one step closer to the Kage Bunshin and only a few ryo out of pocket.

It turns out, a few ryo become 100 ryo, because Naruto ate 40 bowls for 2.50 ryo per bowl. He literally ate a D-rank mission. Oh, sure, she was mildly disgusted by his eating habit, then she realized an 8 year old by on the _scrawny_ side ate more than 5 adult grown men could in one sitting.

It was an eye-opener to the phrase "Do not judge a book by its cover."

Ichiraku Sota was apparently extremely happy that he now had a bottomless pit for a customer, and Naruto and him got along famously. No matter how odd it looked for a 40 year old man to be grinning toothily at an 8 year old boy.

They made it to the Tower so Naruto could sign in and Tsunade could write her report on why she left Border Patrol early. Then she realized she was writing a report and vowed to get that Kage Bunshin for the fifth time today.

Naruto had filled out his citizenship forms in roughly an hour and swore his oaths to Hi no Kuni easily enough. He gave his thanks to the kind older Shinobi that helped him out along the way with a genial smile before turning to Tsunade.

"So, do you know how I apply to become a Shinobi?"

"You'd have to set up a meeting with the Hokage or a counselor, but I've got a bit of pull, so let's see if we can't get you a meeting real quick."

They went to the next floor of the Tower, specified for Shinobi only and asked an assistant whether the Hokage was free. When she told Tsunade that he was currently in a meeting with Mito Senju, Tsunade beamed, grabbed Naruto by his hand and dragged him towards the Hokage office. Naruto, for his part, just thanked his bullshit luck once again.

Tsunade, with all the grace she had, kicked the door open and hauled Naruto inside with a bright smile on her face, enjoying the annoyed and bemused looks of her Uncle Tobi and Mito-baba.

"Mito-baba, Hokage-sama, I've brought a foreigner wanting to become a Shinobi!" She beamed at them. Mito looked over Naruto, her eye's widening slightly at the Uzumaki distinctive features, and Tobirama looked at Tsunade in a bored manner.

"Chunin Senju, you do realize for a Foreigner to join our village they must give us a Jutsu or Technique of equal value to their previous station?"

At this point Tsunade couldn't help it, "He brought you the secret to defeating paperwork."

Tobirama blinked. Then his eye's widened and he stared directly at Naruto, who was growling at Tsunade for taking his punchline away from him.

"Young man…"

"Naruto Uzumaki, Lord Hokage." Mito nodded, with a slight smile on her face.

"Uzumaki-san, what do you have as exchange for joining the Konoha shinobi forces, and what training, if any do you have prior to testing?"

"I got a Jutsu called the Kage Bunshin, it costs about 10 times the amount of Chakra for a Mizu Bunshin, but in exchange anything the clone learns before dispelling gets transferred to the creator. Perfect for infiltration, training and paperwork." Tobirama seemed to have a gleem in his eye's, while Mito looked thoughtful, he continued anyways, "Training prior to joining would be some minor understanding of my Bloodline, Wall and Waterwalking, and a melee technique from my father."

Both Tobirama and Mito raised an eyebrow at the Bloodline comment, but were rather impressed with his Chakra Control training. They were both sensors and could see the ridiculously high reserves packed into his small body. Mito let her curiosity get the better of her, "What is your Bloodline?"

Naruto went silent for a moment before jerking her head at Tsunade. Tobirama got the message instantly, "Tsunade, why don't you head back to the compound, you've had a long trek and could use some rest."

She huffed but nodded, sticking her tongue out at Naruto before leaving the room. Naruto then did something the startled both Tobirama and Mito. He pointed at the bookcase, the ceiling and the window, "The guards too." They blinked but Tobirama nodded his affirmative. No sooner did the 3 Chakra signatures disappear. They were quite curious why a Bloodline, no matter how rare, couldn't be viewed by his trusted ANBU.

Naruto just stared at Mito as he removed his goggles. Metalic and rippled eyes met with purpe and Mito found herself choking on air, pointing a shaking finger at him and nearly hyperventilating. Tobirama looked confused but intrigued at the Dojutsu, "You obviously know what that is Mito, any explanation?"

She only nodded, not bothering to look at her Brother-in-Law as she was too captivated by the Eye of Samsara, "Rinnegan, the Dojutsu wielded by the Sage of Six Paths."

Naruto nodded at the awe-inspired look, "I'll be blunt and you'll probably not like it. But I've come to Konoha with the hope of accepting an Apprenticeship with you Mito-sama, with the hope that when we finish, however long it takes, that I succeed you in _all_ areas." To emphasize his statement, her stared directly at her stomach. The area where the Kyuubi was sealed.

Mito's eyes only widened further and Tobirama took a stony expression, "And how do you know about that?"

Turned his gaze to Tobirama, and surprising all, even himself, he glared, "Mito is the only Jinchuriki that doesn't use the Bijuu sealed inside of her as a weapon. Your brother… Idiot he was-" That made him get a frosty glare from both directions, but he continued, "-gave to Kiri the Rokubi, when they already had the Sanbi, to Kumo the Nibi when they had the Hachibi, and the Gobi to Iwa when they already had the Yonbi. The Bijuu were given one and only one directive when they were created by the Sage."

He stared at them as their eyes changed, but into an emotion that he couldn't place.

"Balance. The Bijuu were to keep the balance the Sage created between people, and it worked for roughly 900 years. Then the Clan Wars started, and something nobody, least of all the Bijuu themselves expected happened. Humans figured out a way to seal them. First to go was Shukaku, the Ichibi in Kaze no Kuni (Wind Country)." They blinked in surprise at the name, "Next was Son Goku, the Yonbi in Tsuchi no Kuni (Earth Country). Then was Isobu, the Sanbi in Mizu no Kuni (Water Country). Gyuki was next, the Hachibi in Rai no Kuni (Lightning Country)." He stared at Mito's stomach once more, "You haven't earned his name." She flinched slightly, but appeared downcast; the idea that the Bijuu were more than masses of malevolence hadn't even registered to her, apparently not to Tobirama either, "Then the Shodaime Hokage gave away Matatabi, Nibi. Kokuo, Gobi. Saiken, Rokubi. And Chomei, Nanabi."

He stared. Truthfully, he didn't have a clue where that had come from, but he did know that after reading the history of how the Bijuu were moved he was pissed, along with Kurama over how things were done. Kurama explained that he and his brethren understood that they would _eventually_ be sealed to preserve a different kind of balance between Shinobi, but it was one thing for the people to create their own methods of sealing. It was another entirely for them to be bartered by a tree-hugger as he so eloquently put it.

"What's done is done. That ship sailed the moment your Brother used the Bijuu as bartering chips for a false peace. But the fact of the matter is, is that I was granted these eyes to keep the balance going. And the only way to do that is with a Bijuu."

Tobirama snarled at Naruto, "And you naturally chose to come after the most powerful one, the Kyuubi, for your 'peace'."

Naruto stared blankly at him, "I came here because no matter how I disagree with the Hashirama-sama did things, he out of all the Kage in this world tried for peace. I respect him more than any other person, whether or not he did or didn't do right by the Bijuu. And I came here because along with Hashirama-sama, I have Mito-sama on a similar pedestal of respect. I truly wish to use this opportunity to apprentice myself to her, and hopefully by the time she is ready to transfer the Kyuubi to me, I will have found a way using my Eye's to make her survive the process."

Tobirama was about to say something, but Mito cut him off with a hand. She offered it to Naruto, which he graciously accepted. She turned to Tobirama and gave him a small smile, "I can't hold it- _him_ back for much longer Tobi-kun, Naruto-chan here came at a good time." She nodded to Naruto. He gave her a well-deserved proverbial slap to the face when it came to the way she'd been treating the Kyuubi, and hearing his passion for the Bijuu was heartwarming. She was more honored than anything that the wielder of the Rinnegan had placed her on a pedestal similar to her husband.

Nodding with a smile to Naruto, she returned her stare to Tobirama, who's teeth were grinding slightly. Naruto also slapped him in the face proverbially, but he didn't have the respect, nor desire to gain any from the young Uzumaki. He changed his ire onto Mito, who apparently accepted Naruto's verbal tirade and sighed, "You actually are going to do this, aren't you?" She gave him a resolute stare.

Grunting, he knew that being talked to by a civilian like that didn't give him the ability to lash out. The boy needed to be a Shinobi before he could do that, so he apparently picked a pretty good time to make his point. "Fine." Mito smiled warmly and Naruto grinned, "But, he stays at the Senju compound. He's your apprentice, which means when you're free you spend your time teaching him." She nodded her ascent and Naruto couldn't tell whether he should be happy or annoyed. He was looking forward to that apartment, "You, Uzumaki-san, will be placed on the Genin reserve until Mito gives you the Okay to take long term missions. Fresh apprenticeships don't have the luxury of leaving the village without their Master." He nodded. It was fair, even if a bit stuffy.

"Now get out of my office and never speak to me that way again while I'm Hokage." Tobirama opened his desk drawer, grabbed a Hiatai from the extra's and threw it at Naruto. He caught it easily, placing his goggles on first before placing it over his forehead. Giving a somewhat sarcastic salute to his new Hokage, Naruto marched out of the office with a grin.

Tobirama looked at Mito, "He's going to be a pain in the ass."

"Yes, but he's my apprentice now, so that means I need to teach him how to properly bother you all."

The groan from the Hokage's Tower could be heard within a mile-long radius.

* * *

Naruto was content.

He would be getting Kurama back, living with Mito-sama, learning Fuinjutsu and hopefully stop a lot of shit before it starts.

He didn't know nor did he care about a large majority of what was to happen in the future, all that mattered was feeding his hero-complex and world peace.

Baby steps.


End file.
